I don't know what to think about AJ. I knew he was the more sensitive of the two and I knew he might have more trouble than Zack, adjusting to kindergarten.
Then again sometimes though I wonder if Zack is equally as sensitive, and just not as communicative as AJ, so I actually have no idea how Zack is feeling most of the time.
That's another subject entirely.
Anyway this morning, I could tell AJ was anxious the way he was circling around by the front door, looking out the window, biting his sleeves. I turned on his computer and brought up the Monkey Dance and then he did his usual thing of watching that, over and over. So I thought he was okay. Then I put shoes and coats on both boys and the bus arrived, and he came outside more or less willingly.
As I buckled his seat belt on I saw the look on his face. Huge, watery eyes. Anxious aggression and violence I am used to handling; but this complete heartbreaking sorrow is going to kill me slowly.
Aliza and I stood in the driveway waving and AJ watched us out the window, silently, unmoving, but with those big brown eyes staring at me like I was sending him off to war.
I called and left a message for the autism teacher who I know gets them off the bus. I'm going to call again in a little while. And I'm going to have that image of AJ's sad little face in my head, all day.
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