Those Crazy Dance Moms

Aliza has got me watching Dance Moms with her the past couple of days.  Mostly she likes watching for the dance competitions the kids perform in - because she's been in dance competitions so she knows what those kids are feeling up there on stage, and the excitement and tension of waiting to see if you win any awards.  It's fun for me to watch too; those dance competitions are the same all over.

But the show Dance Moms, now, make no mistake - it's about the moms.  It's not about the dancing or the kids or even Abby, the dance instructor.  It's about the moms and the drama and catfighting and competitiveness between them.  The little dancers are all doe-eyed, tiny little creatures, and their moms are all overly processed and made up clowns.

At a typical dance rehearsal, the moms, the dancers, and Abby all meet in the studio and then when class starts, the moms all go into a viewing room.  And they sit in there like all those busybody ladies in The Music Man, who "pick-a-little, talk-a-little, pick-a-little, talk-a-little, cheep! Cheep!  Cheep!  Talk-a-lot, pick-a-little-more."

And I'm thinking, don't they have something to do?  Other than sit and watch the entire class, nitpicking over the attention each particular child gets or doesn't get?  Get a life!

I used to think it was just the moms I couldn't stand, but after last night's season premiere, I don't like Abby, either.  I've never liked how harsh she is with the kids, but now she seems to have gotten wind of how popular and famous she is, and this group of dancers isn't good enough for her anymore - she's holding auditions to get the very best of the best dancers, so that they can win competitions.  Because in last night's episode, the group dance only came in 3rd.  And that's failure, as far as she's concerned.

From what I can see, winning a dance competition means only that an arbitrary group of "judges" decided you were the best among a small group.  It's based on the opinion of five or six or seven people, who were chosen to be judges because of their dance experience.  It's a little random.  Sure, the kids who dance the best usually win - but often there are many good dancers and multiple possible winners.

So in Dance Moms this season, it's even less about the kids.  It's about what to change in order for Abby's dancers to come in first.  The girls are learning that winning is the only thing that matters - that if you can't come in first, you shouldn't even try - and if you aren't the best, even if you tried your hardest, nothing matters and you won't make it.

She isn't being a teacher - she isn't supporting and encouraging the kids - she's a coach.  She's showing those kids that they have to earn a spot on the dance team, and if they aren't good enough, they will be cut.

And that's fine, once you are talking about grown ups and professional sports.  It's not fine to treat little kids that way.  Shame on Abby, for treating the kids this way.  And shame on every one of their mothers for putting them in this situation in the first place.

I don't stop Aliza from watching it, but I make sure she knows the message this show sends is wrong and damaging, and I would never let her participate in a class like that.

Why I'd Never Make It on Dance Moms

See that cute kid in the white t-shirt, second from the right?

That's my baby up on stage, accepting an award with the whole dance team!

They were first in their category (I think it was called Advanced Production), and first overall winners!

They got Double Platinum!

Do you know what this means?  Because I don't.  I'm not down with the dance-award lingo.  Apparently Double Platinum is better than Single Platinum, but not as good as Crystal.  And Gold -- don't get me started.  Gold is crap, apparently.

(See, it's not like the Olympics, where everyone knows it goes Bronze, Silver, and Gold.  Gold is a dance award level, but it's like 3rd or 4th or something.  Tell Aliza you got Gold in dance, and she'll be all "yeah, whatever, that's not very good."  And I think there's a Silver dance level, but not a Bronze.  It's quite complex.)

This was the first of three dance competitions Aliza has this spring.  She was magnificent, graceful, poised, elegant, and very hip.  She had moves like Jagger.  As for my performance as a dance mom - I don't think I'd have even gotten a Gold.

For example, a week ago I'd never heard the phrase "hair donuts," and this weekend I had to do them twice.  A hair donut is a soft, donut-shaped thingy you slip over a ponytail and then wrap the hair around, to make a hair bun look huge.

It sounds simple enough, and I watched a You Tube tutorial so I'd know how to make them, but I had a hard time getting all the hair in nice and tight.  About half the hairs on her head didn't want to cooperate.  One of the teachers was helping me, and then she just sort of took over (and I let her), because I wasn't doing it right.  Fail.

Then there was the fake eyelashes.  Every time I did it, I didn't get the fake ones close enough to the real ones, and she'd open her eyes and have two, distinct levels of eyelashes on her upper lid.  I couldn't get them close enough.  So another, more experienced dance mom helped us with that.

Maybe by the time competition season ends, I'll have these things down, and I'll know what it means when someone gets Crystal.  That's really good, from what I understand.

Zack and AJ went to see their sister's dances both on Saturday and on Sunday.  It wasn't their favorite place to be, but they both stayed in the crowded auditorium full of screaming dancers for a very short time, and neither had a meltdown.  That, to us, translates into success.  I do think I'm going to look into getting some noise-cancelling headphones for Zack.  He has his fingers in his ears more and more, it seems.

First Week of Summer Wrapup

It's been a nice summer break so far, one week in, although with the change in routine I'm finding it tough to complete a thought or a sentence, much less an entire blog post.  This morning I had to wrestle the computer away from them and set them up watching "Boot's First Bike."

Aliza's dance recital is this weekend and there have been several nights of rehearsals this week.

I'm so proud of my little dancer!  She is having a great time and not showing any signs of wanting to slow down, which is hard on the bank account, but I believe it's giving her confidence and poise and she's making great friends.

Vacation Bible School was a success, as far it went.  The boys only participated a tiny bit, but they loved the music and tolerated quite a bit of noise and commotion.  I noticed that the first couple of days both of them were busily pinching any kid they could reach, but by the last day of the week they were both walking right by kids without showing any aggression at all.  So that was wonderful to see.  The last couple of days they even enthusiastically allowed me to dress them to get ready to go to "bah-skoo."

Although now that that's over, if they could just do this every day, all day long, they'd be completely happy.

Alas, Temple Grandin would not approve.

Our Family Likes to Share

...share with each other, anyway.  We've passed around the stomach flu amongst the 5 of us in the past couple of weeks.  This is apparently a bug not unlike the Fragile X gene.  Now how on earth could I compare the flu to Fragile X, you ask?

Well, this flu bug apparently can sit dormant in your system for quite a few days before it attacks.  Much like the Fragile X gene can sit dormant in unsuspecting family members for generations, before unleashing itself in an individual.

See, everything goes right back to Fragile X.  Ah, the circle of life.

I think Aliza had it first, a good couple of weeks ago.  And then so many days passed, we thought we were in the clear, but then Zack got sick.  We didn't make a connection between the two, at the time.  But Zack's sick is a lot less ... "contained," shall we say, than his sister's.  So we watched each other closely for symptoms.  We never took our eyes off his twin brother, since the two of them share a bit more than the rest of us do.  Sure enough just a couple of days later, AJ hopped onto the flu train. (Why is it so hard to type the word "flu" without adding an "e" at the end?)

AJ is momma's boy.  He stayed attached to me through most of the worst day and a half of his illness.

Still, I was an obsessive hand washer and worked hard not to chew my nails or get my hands anywhere near my face during that time.

A couple of days went by and Mark was struck down.

I was proud of my strong immune system, and my cleanliness.  I crowed about it to the school librarian, Aliza's teacher, my parents, a couple of neighbors, and anyone else who was within hearing distance that I had succeeded in avoiding the flu.  I was a pillar of strength.  I was the last Korman standing.

This past Saturday, Aliza had her dance competition.  Her first one.  She was a little nervous.  I was a basket case.  But she did great, and her group came away with a gold medal.

I felt pretty ill that morning but I pulled myself together and brought her to the competition.  I felt enormously better after we got there.  I figured it was just nerves and once this was over, I'd be fine.

I was wrong.  Evidently I was able to mentally muscle through the afternoon so I could be there for my daughter.  This must be a specific talent God gives to mothers.  In the car on the way home, I started to feel pretty sick, and by the time I walked in the house, I was full-blown flu-ridden.  I had succombed.

I should not have crowed.  I should have shut my big mouth and prayed.

Will this teach me to stop bragging and stop tempting fate?  Probably not.

I wish a happy and healthy Monday morning to you.

Today, it's really more like The Aliza Files

Aliza had a big week, this second week of school.  Her dance class started on Monday.  She dances in an enormous dance studio with an itty bitty window for all the moms to look through.

And last night, her parents finally relented and allowed her to get her ears pierced!  She picked a lovely pair of sparkly flowers to wear for the next 6 weeks. 

The sign announcing that ear piercing is FREE is huge.  The price of the sparkly flowered earrings is very, very tiny.....but, well, this is kind of a rite of passage, right?  You only get your ears pierced once in your life.  Unless you let them grow shut, like I did.