What I Think "Frozen" Is Really About

My sister in law was just telling me the other day that her daughter, my niece, had also read Heaven is for Real and that she was intrigued by my response to it - that I didn't give it a stellar review, but I questioned the things it didn't address.  She said her daughter was starting to realize that, being the parent of children with special needs, I see many things in the world differently.

I didn't realize just how much that is the case, either.  I see cases of people with differences being misunderstood, undervalued, treated cruelly, and abused in so many more books and movies than I ever did before.  And I think everyone - well, most everyone - while they know that it's wrong and unjust, they don't feel the unfairness the way I do.  Because while most everyone can imagine people being mistreated, most of them aren't imagining it happening to their own babies.

I'm reading The Giver by Lois Lowry right now.  It's about a futuristic society where people live simple lives where they have no control or choices, but they also have no pain or sadness or loneliness.  There are no people with disabilities anywhere.  Everyone is the same.

The focus is on how the people have no memories of bad things, but no memory of good things, either. 

I just had to delete what I'd written here because I don't want to spoil the story for anyone who hasn't read it, but basically, this society is living by some very ignorant and ancient ideals, for the sake of sparing people pain.

(This is youth fiction.  It's recommended to my 5th grader, who is currently reading Tales of a 6th Grade Muppet.  Seems like a bit of a leap, to me, but I might have her try it when I'm done.)

Another case where I see a story of a disability is the movie Frozen.  I'm not going to worry about spoilers for that, it's been out for months now and if you haven't seen it twice, you should have.  Because it's the best Disney film ever made.  That's only my opinion.  But there you have it.

To most people, Frozen is about two sisters who grow up largely separated and lonely but whose love for each other saves the day, in the end.

To me, Frozen is about a girl with a gift no one else has or understands.  She hasn't been taught how to live with this gift and she can't control it and she hides it.  When it inevitably becomes public, it scares the people, and they shrink away from her in horror and begin to plan to destroy her.

I see a movie about a girl with a disability.

It starts when she's a little girl; she can't quite control her gift of freezing things, and her parents, in order to protect her and her sister, encourage her to hide it.  Mistake number one.  Like a lot of parents of unique and special children, they had no idea what to do and they were afraid of how the public would treat her, so they tucked their daughter away where no one would see her specialness.  Thus, she grew up having no idea how to live with it - how to control it.  She should have received therapy as a child.  A therapist, who could help her learn to express it in a safe way and live her life normally.  Because once she gets away from home, she is relieved to finally be able to LET IT GO...

Her sister goes on a mission to save her.  It's incredibly heartwarming, and finally, finally, Disney has made a movie where the girl doesn't have to end up with the prince to have a happily ever after.

This movie is not only thrilling and funny, it's packed with terrific messages for kids.  Here's just a couple of them:

Love at first sight is exciting, but needs to be given time to see if it is real.

People who are a little "different" need to be loved and included, not feared and shunned.

Sensory Friendly Films!

At the Mall of America movie theatre they do a special screening of an older (only a year or so ) movie for kids, for free, on Saturday mornings.  They show it on two theatre screens - one for families, and one they call "sensory friendly."  They leave the lights on and keep the sound down, and it's perfectly okay if you need to wander around the theatre, lay down in the aisle, or shout at your iPad during the movie.  

We've gone twice this summer.  The first time they were showing "Rio."  We managed to keep the boys there for close to an hour.  Well, with several walk-around-the-lobby-breaks during which AJ pleaded for "no movie."

The second time we tried it they were showing Disney's African Cats. Not animated and of much less interest to all three kids, but we figured we'd give it a go.

Within a few minutes AJ was pulling my arm, begging to go.  "No lion.  Bye, lion."

(I hear that many kids who've recently weaned off the Arbaclofen trial tend to refuse everything - to say "no" to everything without consideration.  That is certainly my boys.)

I offered him my phone and he quickly found his Yo Gabba Gabba videos, and decided the most comfortable position would be if he put the phone on the floor and leaned over.

Later I guess this got to be a little hard on the back, so he straightened himself out and balanced at around a 45 degree angle, so that his butt was up in the air and his feet dangled up where his head should have been.  I wish I had a shot of that.

I doubt it was the weirdest thing that's ever happened at Sensory Friendly Films.

The first time we went, Zack sat cowering in the stroller the whole time, but this time he sat in a seat with the rest of us.  You know, as long as the iPad was nearby.

We all went to a movie, for a few minutes anyway, just like a regular family.  It was so awesome.  Before you know it we'll all be eating cotton candy at the State Fair.

I feel like sarcasm doesn't get through here very well.  Let me explain.  We are more likely to each of us grow a second head than we are to eat cotton candy at the State Fair.  I can't take these boys to the State Fair - it's loud, crowded, and unpredictable.  And nobody with their extreme sensory issues is going anywhere near cotton candy.

Explaining sarcasm really ruins it.

"Dolphin Tale," and why you should go see it.

Last week, a few days before we were due to leave for our first trip to Chicago to get the boys started on the clinical drug trial, I started having doubts.  I was concerned about this long car trip and how the boys would handle it.  I was worried about the evaluation and examination before we started the trial - the blood draw, the EKG.  This was all going to be so tough on them.  What if it wasn't worth it?  What if this drug just doesn't seem to do anything for them?

I really wasn't concerned that it would be harmful.  I trust the trial doctor implicitly.  She's one of the greatest Fragile X Syndrome doctors in the world.

I wasn't worried about side effects  - I was nervous that we were going to spend a fortune making multiple roadtrips to Chicago and wouldn't see any results at all.  I was nervous that we'd taken the boys off their anxiety medication for this, put them through the withdrawal and a very tough autumn and start of school, all for nothing - if it didn't work.

Maybe I overthought it a bit.

The afternoon before we were to leave, Aliza and I had some mother-daughter time together, and we went to see the movie"Dolphin Tale."  It's about a kid who finds a beached and injured dolphin and ends up helping the marine hospital to care for it.  The dolphin loses its tail and a rebel scientist played by Morgan Freeman takes on the challenge of making a prosthetic tail so the dolphin can swim normally again.

It's a true story.

At the end, there are scenes from the real dophin (named "Winter") that inspired the movie, and the many people with disabilities who came from far and wide to see her.  This animal, swimming around with its artificial tail, has such spunk and energy and heart.  Many, many people with a variety of disabilities found a kindred spirit and inspiration in Winter.

It reminded me that we might have to venture out of our own backyard to find inspiration.  We might have to travel.

Winter rejected the first couple of tails Morgan Freeman's character made for her.  They just weren't quite right.  But he kept going back to the drawing board and trying again.

It reminded me that it's important to keep trying, even if we are faced with roadblocks and rejection.

The look on the faces of these children and adults, some in wheelchairs and some missing limbs, when they got into the water with Winter was absolutely overwhelming for me.  They were so awed.  They live in worlds where they are different, and not often in a positive way.  Winter was so beautiful and graceful and special, and maybe it reminded them that they are beautiful and graceful and special, too.

It reminded me that it's important to reach for the stars.

It was a great movie and you should go see it.  Bring some tissues.