Last day of Kindergarten - stop comparing...

I tend to forget how not like other kindergarteners mine are.  We are so used to how they behave and what their needs are that we just respond to them as necessary, and don't notice their differences from other kids, at least not daily.  I don't see them next to groups of typical peers all that much.

(That's got to change, by the way.)

Yesterday those differences were right up in my face.

The boys' class (the typical class) had an end-of-the-year celebration, which I was invited to attend, along with all the other kindergartener's parents.  All the other parents seemed to know each other a little bit.

The kindergarten graduates all danced and sang to the parents.  Well, the typical ones.  AJ sat on my lap, while Miss Sherri (the EA who came along to help) tried to talk Zack into sitting, rather than bouncing here, there, and yonder while muttering to himself.  Then their teacher showed a slideshow of pictures of the kids throughout the year.  Zack and AJ appeared a couple of times in the slideshow, it was cute.  But neither boy wanted to sit and watch.  Once the lights were dimmed, AJ got up and the two of them wanted to bounce and hover right up by the screen, pointing at kids in the slideshow and saying "kids!"  "look!"

I got AJ to sit back down with me, but Miss Sherri was having a tough time subduing Zack.  He was just fascinated by the light from the projector, and oblivious to the fact that everyone else was sitting, watching, and he was in the way.  So I passed AJ on over to Miss Sherri and I strong-armed Zack into sitting with me.

To all the other parents in the room yesterday - I'm sorry my boys were so disruptive.  They can't help how they behave.  Hopefully you understood that.  You looked like nice, understanding people, but I didn't get a chance to talk to any of you.  I don't know if you knew there were some special needs children in your child's class, but you certainly know, now.

After the slideshow, while all the other kids went through their folders, proudly showing their parents all the reading pages, math sheets, and artwork they'd done throughout the year, Zack and AJ bounced and paced and muttered and babbled while Miss Sherri and I worked to get them to look at books with us.  They cooperated some but had a really hard time settling down.

So how do I avoid comparing my kids to the typical ones?  I try not to compare, to remember that they are on their own train of development and will go at their own pace, but at the same time I'm trying to keep them close to the typical kids so they can learn from them.  I can't stop comparing them if I'm going to consistently keep them in typical classrooms and with typical peers.  I'm going to have to find a way to keep them separate in my mind, even if they aren't separated in the classroom.

And just like that, kindergarten is over.

The Children's Museum

Wow, I was beat last night.  The boys were beat.  It was a long, quiet night of children sleeping soundly.

Because they had a great time at the Children's Museum.

I did prepare us well, I wasn’t born yesterday. I know what to do to help the boys feel calm and help them adapt to breaks in our routine. They get a couple of medications in the early afternoons to help them with anxiety and hyperactivity. Yesterday, we had those meds before we left. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with stacking the deck in our favor a bit.

We left the house a little early, because I was afraid of missing the class, but we were early enough that we got to wait for awhile in the lobby for the bus with the rest of their class to arrive. They waited really well though because there was a lot going on in that lobby, and one of their favorite pasttimes is people-watching.

When the class arrived, AJ got shy immediately and hid behind me.  It was actually all three kindergarten classes, so it was a bunch more kids than they are used to seeing.  Miss Sherry, one of their EAs (educational assistants) was there to help me follow the boys around and generally help them have a good experience.

And then we didn't even see that much of their classmates, because for the most part everyone just ran willy-nilly around the different exhibits and activities.

We ushered them in and toward the water-play area and suddenly AJ forgot all about his shyness.  Oh, the water!  They could have stood back and watched the other kids playing with the boats all day long!

And then they spotted the bubble table.  This girl was awesome at making giant bubbles and she seemed to enjoy entertaining AJ.  She tried to hand him a bubble wand, but he didn't take it.  So she just made bubbles with both hands.



It was difficult to convince AJ that the lego table wasn't for sitting on, when that other guy was sitting on it.

Eventually we had to strong-arm them out of the water area or they wouldn’t have seen anything else in the whole museum.  There wasn’t a whole lot more they were interested in, though.  We walked them through the Lego castle displays and the Earth room.  They did enjoy the slide and tunnel.

None of the pictures are very good because I had the pocket camera along, and I was more focused on keeping the two boys in sight than getting the best angle for the shot.  Also this camera has a delay of between 7 and 13 seconds every time you push the shutter button, so basically you just aim it in the right direction and then wait and hope for the best.

I'm glad we decided to go on the field trip.  It was a great experience.

What Would Temple Grandin Do?

The boys' kindergarten class is taking a field trip next week to the Children's Museum.  They have never been there, mainly because I have never been there when it wasn't a madhouse.

The teachers left it up to me whether the boys attend.  The two other kids with autism who are in the class aren't going. If the boys go, they’ll have one attendant with them and they suggested I go along as well, and I say Um, Thank You, I’d suggest that too! What is that one attendant going to do when they run off in opposite directions?

So my knee-jerk reaction was to say no way.  I didn't want to take them out of their routine. And I can’t picture them at the Children’s Museum. I just can’t. All those kids running around like maniacs, all that noise and bright lights….

Actually, I think AJ would like it. He’d get over-stimulated after awhile but he’d have a great time. Zack on the other hand, would get over-stimulated in about 8 seconds. And then he’ll do that scream. That scream that makes everyone stop what they are doing and look over at him.

So I was leaning toward saying no, but I asked the people on the Fragile X listserv for their sage advice, and got probably 40 responses, every single one of which said GO!

And I asked one of our ABA therapists what she thought and she reminded me to ask myself:

WHAT WOULD TEMPLE GRANDIN DO?

She would say GO!

So I think we’re going to go. It's next Wednesday. God help us.

I did it!

I did something awesome today.

I talked to the boys' kindergarten class about Fragile X.

I was so nervous!  Silly, I know.  I was just worried they'd ask me questions that would be hard to answer.  But they didn't, they were very easy and very sweet.

I asked them if they’d heard of Fragile X. Nobody had.  I told them Fragile X is kind of like autism, and that it's something they were born with, that makes their brains not work quite like everyone else’s. They didn’t get it from doing something wrong or different, they were born this way.

I said it makes them different in a lot of ways, but they are the same as the other kids in a lot of ways, too.

Then I told them I had brought something that I thought might help them understand how Zack and AJ are different, and yet the same.  And I brought out the toy car.  It's pretty cool.  AJ got it for Christmas.

I pushed the button that makes the car rev its engine, flash its lights, and then go forward, popping a wheelie.  I started to go into how fun the car was and immediately they interrupted me and wanted to know what the other buttons on the car did.  So, we had to try out each button.  Then one by one, half the class needed to tell me about the remote control cars, trucks, and helicopters they have at home.  And one boy didn't have one but he'd seen one at the mall.  So I let them tell me about them all, and then we got back on track.

I told them how the car was pretty fun, but if it didn't have the lights and the noises and stuff -- if it didn't go unless you pushed it with your hand, it would still be really fun, right?  You could still play with it.  They all agreed (thank goodness) that it would still be fun.  Then I said, that's what Zack & AJ are like -- they are like the toy car that doesn't have lights or noises, and doesn't go by itself.  You have to play with them a little differently, but they can still be a lot of fun.

Then we made a list on the whiteboard of everything they like to do.  And they were very enthusiastic about this task.  They could have spent the rest of the day telling me things they like to do, and watching me write them all down on the whiteboard.  I prompted them to say things like "playground" and "swimming" since it's winter and I don't think they necessarily have those activities on their minds at the moment.

Then we went through the list, one by one, and talked about each thing.  I asked them if they thought Zack and AJ liked each thing too, and they guessed, yes or no.  It was funny, most of the time they were completely right.  They understand already what the boys can and can't do.  They knew they liked puzzles, books, and swimming, but knew the boys would not play football.

Then I lowered my voice and told them I had one more thing to tell them, something very special and just between us.  I asked Mrs. Williams if she could give us a moment to chat, and she agreed (she was in on it, I didn't surprise her) and she went to the back of the room.

I leaned in a little closer to the kids, and they leaned in closer to me.  They were all ears and big eyes -- I had them.

I asked them, who do you think is the most important person in this room?

One boy knew right away -- he said Mrs. Williams.  Yep, I said, she is the one who will teach you and help you with everything you need in this class.  Now, who do AJ & Zack learn from?

And that same kid said, "Mrs. Williams?"

I said, nope.  They learn from each of you.  They won't actually learn much from Mrs. Williams, but they are watching and listening to you guys, all the time.  So it's very important that you act appropriately and do what Mrs. Williams tells them too.  Even if they aren't talking to Zack & AJ, even if they just let them watch what they are doing.....they are important teachers for the boys.

Then I called Mrs. Williams back over and told her we were done talking, and thanked her for understanding.

I told the kids that it’s okay to notice the ways in which the boys are different. It’s okay to ask your teacher questions about them, anytime. It’s okay if you don’t always understand what they say or do. But I told them it’s never, ever okay to make fun of them, or anybody else for being different.

Then I told them, go ahead and say hi to the boys when you see them next, and then offer them a high five -- they love high fives!  Then I gave each kid a high five.

I thought it went really well, I was just racing with adrenaline when I left.  I am very excited that I did it!

Kindergarten Transition

The meeting was last Thursday and it went very well, everyone was really nice.  Not that I'm surprised.  It was attended by a kindergarten teacher (though not necessarily the teacher my boys will have), the autism classroom teacher, the special ed. director for the school, their current preschool teacher, and the principal came in for a short time.  Mostly they all just asked a lot of questions about the boys, what they were like, what they could do, and what I hope for them to get out of kindergarten.  We discussed whether they'd go half days or full (half days), and whether I'd prefer morning or afternoon kindergarten (morning).  I'd prefer mornings as they are just at their best during that time -- most relaxed and focused.  They may or may not get mornings, that is yet to be determined.  What?  You mean I'm not going to get exactly what I want?

But then I thought, right now they go to afternoon preschool and it has worked out fine.

I was thrilled to hear that they have four kindergarteners starting in the autism class in the fall (well so far, that number could change, I'm told), and the other two are also kids from their current preschool class -- kids they already know, who already know them!  How lucky is that!

The kindergarten teacher who attended would be an awesome teacher for them, I'm sure, because her name happens to be Jennifer McCarthy.  Get it? Jenny McCarthy!  I can't tell you how much giggling I've done about that one this weekend.  I'd love for my autistic boys to have Jenny McCarthy as their teacher.....maybe she can "cure" them!

P.S. - I sincerely hope this doesn't offend anybody.  I try to stay away from topics of controversy and politics -- but this was just too funny for me to let it go by without comment!

Kindergarten Orientation ...

So yesterday was kindergarten orientation here in district 191. I know the boys won't go to our neighborhood school, the school Aliza and all the kids on our street go to. Two schools in our district have autism programs, so they will have to attend one of them. One is only about 8 blocks from our house, the other is more like 8 miles. Obviously I'd prefer the closer one. Sarah, the boys ECSE teacher, said I should attend the orientation at the school I hope they'll go to. When I called over there though, the secretary said she didn't think I should come to their orientation, she thought I should register the boys at our neighborhood school, the one they would normally have gone to, and then when they figure out which school they'll actually
be attending, the paperwork will be transferred.

The secretary at our neighborhood school disagreed with that. She felt that it would be pointless to register the boys and for me to attend their orientation when we know for certain the boys won't be going to school there. She said if I go to the orientation at the hoped-for school, at least I could possibly meet the kindergarten teachers and the principal, maybe even get a tour of the school. Then she says, they must be on the list she has, of expected kindergarteners from our neighborhood......so she looked them up on the computerized list and sure enough, there they were, two Kormans in a row in a list of future kindergarteners. Then she wrote next to their names, in parentheses, "Special Ed". And something in me fell apart as I watched her do that. I'm quite proud that I didn't complete collapse though until I left her office. It's funny how you can spend days, months, even years dealing with the special needs of your children on a daily basis, so you might think you are used to it and nothing will faze you again, and then a punch comes from out of nowhere to knock you down. This transition to kindergarten is going to be hard on all of us, I think.

Anyway, I agreed with her so I attended the orientation at the school we hope they'll attend. It wasn't a total waste of time, I did get to meet one of the kindergarten teachers and talk to her for a few minutes. She was very nice and thought there was a good chance she could end up with them in her class.  Most of it was information that won't pertain to my boys though.  I don't need to hear the pros and cons of full-day kindergarten vs. half-day.  I don't need to hear about why kindergarteners still need a "rest time" during the day.  And I don't need details on the curriculum.  I don't need to hear about the math and science my children will know, I don't need to be told how great it'll be when they start coming home and showing me how they can read a few words.

Then I went to my Mothers of Multiples meeting, where we had a speaker who talked about Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships. And clearly I had no idea how great my mother-in-law was, until I heard some of the stories last night. It made me miss her. If there is one problem we don't have, it's family relationships. We are so lucky in that respect, we have wonderful, supportive, loving family around us. I think both Mark and I have great in-laws. *smile*